Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Highly Commericialized and Lucrative Rouge of the Caribbean's Life For Me. Part Dos

Sorry,  I didn't get to finsih my rant to due to an indifferent driver. So yes, where I left off- plausability. This film lacks it. For all of the many flaws, though, this movie is decent. I would give it a B, B- at the most. The dialouge crackles and the premise is sound. There's not a whole lot of soul searching, just honest good fashioned fighitin and rolickin' and general piraty behavior. Is it a cash cow? Undoubtably. Is it a nice diversion of a cash cow? Most certainly .I would wholeheartedly recomend this movie to others.

Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Highly Commericialized and Lucrative Rouge of the Caribbean's Life For Me.

                       Okay, so after bailing from school ( don't worry people, it was legal,) I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, the fourth in the series. Called  On Stranger Tides it is indeed a study in whimsicality and boundary stretching. The film starts off with the hero, Capt. Jack Sparrow ( Johnny Depp) impersonating a court official to free Jack Sparrow. Wait, what? No, you read that right, Capt. Jack's name has been stolen. Mr. Gibbs, under the name of Jack Sparrow, is being tried for piracy. Escaping with the aid of the real Jack, Gibbs and ( real) Jack proceed to commiserate. Turns out, Mr. Gibbs is not the only one using Jack's name. A ship purported to be looking for  crew supposedly has Jack captaining it. After a series of escapades in which he somehow fights himself, Jack is hurled face first into the Queen Anne's Revenge captained by none other than Blackbeard. Edward Teach. Most Badassy of Badass Pirates. Who's first mate and daughter is, incidentally, Angelica ( Penelope Cruz) the women Jack seduced and then dumped ages ago.,The whole movie centers around how all of the factions are looking for the Fountain of Youth, supposedly discovered by Ponce De Leon, and now needs to be rediscovered. The movie trundles along, having fun with itself, but ultimately  it takes a while to the point. There are mermaids, and missionary, and casual mention of zombies. The mermaids are unabashedly simply eye candy for the male viewers- yet still remains a Disney Family movie buy the strategic placement of hair, shirts, arms and water. For all that, its a decent movie. We get to see Capt. Jack at his greatest- he's not doing this for personal gain, he's doing it because, just maybe, he does have feelings for someone other than himself. He has no plan in mind except to figure out who's impersonating him, and put a stop to it. Then he seems to actually care about a person, and it's nice to see feelings poke their head out of his shell.

                 Now for the part where I dish on what I don't like. First off, the Ship Queen Anne's Revenge. I mean, I'm all gung ho for badass vessels as the next guy, but this isn't a ship. Its a monstrosity. I use even that word lightly. The proportions are astronomically wrong, and it has magical abilities. Now I know that purists are saying " Ben, that's part of the Story telling Ethos! You can't mess it up, suspend disbelief!" To that, I say- No. The aft castle is incredibly out of proportion, the ship has a color of red that looks added on in CGI, it can magically be controlled somehow, and it has honest-to-god flamethrowers for Christ's sake! I love in the Pirates movie to this day the idea that physics don't really apply to the ships in the films. Underwater ship? No problem! Rolling ships? Sure! Ships with unheard of weapons at the time? Pile them on!
                            Another thing is that sometimes the actions seems unfocused, and sort of a vessel for getting to the next scene of Jack talking with Angelica. The mutiny scene, in particular, strikes me as odd. After discussing what they know about Blackbeard ( nothing much) and his habits ( lesser still) they arbitrarily decide to mutiny. True, they sit down at the table with the express purpose of discussing mutiny, but then its kinda like they sit around at the table on Saturday night. " Hey, wanna mutiny? Possibly overthrow the captain" " Sure, why not, I have nothing better to do. " That is a typical scene which just seems- rushed.
                             The next thing is, there aren't enough supporting characters to make this enjoyable. In the previous ones, everyone had a story. All the pirates gathered together- with different motives, but at least there was someone there. I particularly miss Missirs Ragattei and Pintel. They provided a nice bit of comic relief and humanized pirates- they're just average schlubs trying to make it as pirates. Pintel looked like he had potential as a captain in the last movie, yet sadly both of these are missing from the movie. They are replaced by a minstrel type character named Smush, or something like that. It's a poor replacement for the fat and skinny guy.
               Finally, the last thing that is missing from the storyline is credibility. Credibility was always something that didn't really concern the pirate universe- if it happened, it happened. This one stretches credibility past the breaking point. Capturing ships in bottles? One tear of a mermaid being necessary? A ship suspended in air where the slightest touch could set it off? 

I Survived The Week- One Man's Harrowing Journey to... Destination Anywhere.

Okay, so I decided to arbitrarily write this post because I realized " Oh noes, I didn't meet my quota of two blog posts a month! I haven't even started on May, so I need to catch up!" And then I went, and I looked, and I realized that deadlines and quotas are meaningless if they are self- imposed, and you're the only one who reads these posts. Then I went back and looked, and lo and behold, I had written another May post.  And lo and behold, that which I was considering in the last post... didn't come to pass. It was overblown and not even remotely as bad as I thought. ( Side note- Don't get a job as Doomsday prophet- or maybe thats a GOOD career choice) I felt confident about the AP Tests, and I got to leave school early after one of them.  The Scouting event was actually really good, but could have used more people attending and then I got elected to a position of leadership- I am now the Lodge Secretary Elect of  Nanepashement Lodge 158.
I'll pause to let that sink in...wait, no one knows what I'm talking about.  So back to the business at hand, blog posts. I think I'll bang out two today, one of Fluff, and one of Serious Stuff.
So in Fluff- actually, only sorta fluff, but anywho- Entertainment.
I'm too lazy to check if I already wrote about this, but  The Big Chill. Wow, what a movie. If you haven't heard or seen about it, it's about a group of old college friends who reunite farther down the road. They all attend the funeral of a beloved friend and they realize just how far they  have drifted apart and how much they have changed. There is intrigue, drama, heartbreaking, and despair. Lots of despair. but the funny thing is, if the characters are despairing, they don't show it. They never our right come out and say " Our lives suck. What the hell happened?" Instead, its written in their every movements. I particularly like the TV star who is miserable. It is masterfully shown when all his friends are watching the opening credits of his show, laughing and cheering. He has a painful smirk on his face, and you can see in his eyes- he doesn't like to see it. He doesn't like to consider himself on the TV. I like this movie because it's so REAL. I mean, I feel like I can go through several of those emotions with my friends even now. And the grief is palpable- it rarely feels staged. The only thing I didn't like was the idea that some gratuitous hooking up and sexual healing seemed to fix many of the problems- at least for some of the characters.  The music was spot on- I loved the opening funeral scene with the Rolling Stones You Can't Always Get What You Want played out on organ. Overall, I loved the movie, and it still sticks in my head today.

Also, I just realized now- re-realized- that the Winnie the Pooh movie is coming out in July. I don't care what people say, I need to go see this. I know it is childish, and I will probably be the oldest non- parent in the theater, but so what? Winnie the Pooh was the first idea I could grasp in entertainment. I loved the old VHS tapes and could tell you all the stories- when Pooh got stuck in Rabbit's door, The Hundred Acre Flood, Tigger agreeing to stop bouncin' forever when Rabbit helped him out- but Rabbit felt sorry and relented, and especially when Rabbit and Pooh and Piglet went looking for Hefalumps and Woozles. Pooh and Piglet believe, but Rabbit scoffs at it- until he gets scared and runs out of the woods. I can even sing Tigger's song. I think that is a marker of true childhood watersheds. We all have things that we grow out of, but a truly defining moment in our childhood can be revisited again and again. We can appreciate it for what it was to us then, and reveal in it with new eyes. True, it may seem childish, but I think some days we could all afford to go back to the Hundred Acre Wood. I know I'm going to the movie in July. Any other takers?

Ummm...... Nothing to Vent about.

 So, um, yeah. I'm sitting here in the computer lab, no VHS, listening to god knows what music ( apparently it's from  There Will Be Blood)   just realized I'm thirsty. Nothing comes to mind. So, I guess I'll recap my past few weeks.
Went to New York, pretty cool. Actually got to eat a Vermonster ( google it) and surprise of surprise, actually managed to eat dinner that night. No one was surprised more so than me. We did miss the train stop, which was pretty funny.
Had a great birthday. Thanks for all the people who wished me a happy  birthday on Facebook and in person. Got a Black Mesa T-Shirt ( Google it, again)  two books, some LEGO, a NERF sniper rifle, and an honest-to-god truly awesome windable pocket watch. I can see the gears and everything. I think its one of my favorite gifts.
Just thought who is going to read here. No clue.
Oh well.
In other news, next week is going to suck. Not only is it a B week, with three long block classes of Math, I have Gym. Also, I have a service project, Mr. THS if I  can't get out of it,  a weekend event PLUS two AP tests. Started to freak out about those, and before I go on, if anyone thinks I am bitching and that I knew what I was getting into when I signed up and I have a responsibility to do these events yadda yadda yadda. I KNOW. I am simply saying I think its going to be one of those weeks were everything collides like whatever particles they shove into the Large Hauldron Collider and then rev it up to near the speed of light.  The Eagle Court of Honor is proceeding. I almost don't want it to end. I would like to continue to have something large in my scouting career to look forward to.
Also, in world news, Usama/Osama Bin Laden is dead. Killed by American Seal Team Six. I bet those guys never have to buy a drink in the pub now. Fun fact, apparently he was 17th of 52 kids. Imagine the Christmas for that family.
" Did we get everyone?"
" No, you forgot these five"
"*@#$"
So this is not news for anyone who has been breathing for the last two days. If you have been dead, and thus unable to receive auditory signals, I can't help ya. I have mixed feelings about this, and that makes me apprehensive. No doubt it was a good idea, but I felt that he was sort of a bogey man living in the caves for the past few years. After we didn't catch him immediately, I feel like he was gradually regulated to the back pages of the news. It doesn't have the visceral impact that 9/11 had for the populace. I will most likely be crucified for those statements.  I don't think cutting off the head of an organization such as Al- Queida can kill the organization. if anything, it is only a morale booster for us. I don't know. I think part of this is something I've tried to ignore for a while- I've read too many Tom Clancy and Vince Flynn books. I think that the solutions will be easy and quick. Maybe that's the American curse- fast results, yesterday. I don't know. I do know that it was good to finally have him dead. But 200 feet from the Pakistani equivalent of West Point? Really?

And thus ends another chapter of Ben, the perenial rehasher and coattail rider.
Until Next time.

The League of Extraordinary Movie Characters.

Hello again everybody.
I have to say, I am beat. What with a useless track meet and then a not-so-useless sleepover ( my hammock works GREAT and is the bomb shizzle) I am running nearly on fumes. Let me know if I come across less-than-coherent.
Anyway, this is an excuse to procrastinate again. Remember back in ... oh, I don't know, February or March when I did a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen from literature? Well, this one is from movies, drawn up in the cold of the car ride up to Ithaca, NY. Its pretty cool, if I do say so myself. So, without further ado
The League of Extraordinary Movie Characters.

1). Trinity from The Matrix.
Someone said that she was one of the original female badasses. Don't know if thats true, but I do know that she could kick some serious ass. She not only holds her own against the boys, she often times puts the boys into a full body cast. yet underneath that, there is a soft heart of vulnerability that allows here to form even deeper bonds and connections with others when they need it. She would serve as a good second-in- command of the League.


2). V from V For Vendetta
This guy is awesome. He is witty, cultured and a superb knife fighter. Like the Invisible Man in the League of Extraordinary Gentleman movie, he has alterior motives and came about his powers through the machinatiosn of others.  Sophisitcated and cultured, he is at home in a library as he is in a brawl. He penchant to work from the shadows and use subtle tactics makes him the perfect 'Shadow Warrior'

3). John Grosse from Grosse Point Blank.
As he said, the money in being a professional hitman is pretty good. Hes's got the skills, he's got spunk and he's got a heart the size of San Francisco. He's got weapon skills and is proficient in many ways to kill people. However, as evidenced by his refusal to join the Hitman's Union, he might need a talking to on the merits of team playing. He will be a valuble asset for the team however.

4). Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump.
" Leiu-tenent DAN!" Thsi cry is the perfect one to introduce the leader of this band of renegades. Every League needs an Alan Quatermain type character- the anti-hero, whos abilities may be overplayed and doesn't want the leadership role. Probably doesn't hurt if he's a tad bit anti-social as well. Lt. Dan is all this and more- surly, short-tempered, yet infinitly patient with PFC Gump. He has come to terms with where he stands in the world and maybe ready to lead once more.

5). Marty McFly from Back to the Future
So...many... pop culture moments! Marty is the quintessinal American teen, concerned with his girlfriend, his band and making sure the time space continium remains whole and his parents fall in love all over again. He doesn't have much in the way of fighting skills, but with a souped up flying DeLorean ( may include time travel) allows him to either be the transportation maverick or the time wizard. Your choice.

6). Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction.
" I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort"  Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction is the textbook definition of badass. If you look it up in the dictionary, his picture will be there.  However, towards the end of the movie he does a 180, and has a crisis of religious preportions. He is an excellent brawler and will only need a little prodding.

 7). Daniel Larusso, the Original Karate Kid
So I was finishing up the list, and I needed someone who had a great moral compass, but was a great fighter. Someone who could guide his compainions when the road got rough, and fight alongside them when the crap hit the fan. Then it hit me- The Karate Kid! But, since I haven't seen the new Karate Kid movie, I settled on this guy. I think he's better in most respects.

So thats it, let me know your thoughts on the matter.

Move the Mountain, or Dig a Tunnel?

Hello all you semi-autonomous carbon based life forms out there. its me, your furry lovable old pal Grover. This blog post is made possible by half of AP  Lit being out, and as a result having a study period. ( Thanks Raras!) "But Ben!" You, dear reader callously reply. " As an AP student and a full time Boy Scout who happens to be planning two major events in the next month, surely you can find some other way to occupy your time, not fruitlessly blogging." Yeah, well, here's the thing- all of my stuff is at home. AP is done on my laptop- at home. Scouting's contact lists and the packing manifests- at home. OH, and my room needs to be cleaned, and trumpet practiced- at home. ( well, not the trumpet. But I'd rather be with people, however silent, than by myself)
Then I realized I couldn't just rant about having nothing to rant about. I had a flash of inspiration. (Don't be so surprised, I can and do have those).
Here's my question, spured on by The Once and Future King, and discussions I have had recently.
Is it better to try and fail, or to not try and not fail. Or, as I see it, is it better to try and use brute force to move a mountain, or should you subtly tunnel under it in hopes of enabling the mountains collapse/ fall. Now I know, I know. This idea has been debated since the beginning of time. However, I have my own spin on it.
In the Boy Scout troop I am in, people are of the opinion that training is not suitable and unneccessary. Their idea is that it has failed in the past, so it is doomed to fail again. I say, keep trying until the sheer force of persistance acheives results. You can argue that either way has merit. Does it? Is it better to go in with preconcived notions rather than to be pleasantly surprised and hopeful? Now, the flip side. With preconcived notions, you could still be presently surprised and happy. With preconcieved notions, you could set the bar too high and be crushingly dissapointed. Does subtley work better than brute force? Is any approach better than none? In the end, you all know what side of the debate I fall upon. What are your thoughts?

Suckerpunched into Oblivion.

Okay. Wow. Let me collect my thoughts. The reason I am writing this so late is becasue I just got back from seeing Suckerpunch with my friend Connor. Let me say this. Put away all preconcieved notions about this movie. Shelve all negative or disparaging reviews. Disregard the statement of 'offensive to women' or 'sexist'. THIS. MOVIE. ROCKS. It blew my mind. ( Granted, its no Citizen Kane.) The movie is in all honesty a cheap thrill, a way to kill a lesiurly Satuerday night. Is it worth it? Heck yes.
The movie opens with an unnamed girl whos mother dies. The tone is set by the somber visuals and grey palate. Her evil stepfather ( natch) tries to take all the money, but finds the will and testement that leaves it to the two daughters. Drunken rage, attempted rape, and a gun all follow in the space of 30 seconds. The girl takes the gun intending to defend her little sister, but winds up accidentally shooting said little sister. She is committed to the Lennox House for the Mentally Insane in Vermont- though Vermont matters not in the slightest. Rapidly this girl finds a cadre of  friends and after recieving instruction from both a Russian ballet instructor, and a dream-like sensi devises a plan to bust out of the ward. It centers around five things - a map, fire, a knife, and a key, and a fifth thing that is yet to be determined. The action rapidly expands from there. The kicker though is the quest to gain each one of these items takes place in a suberbly rendered fantasy world. My favorite was the steampunk WWI. The action rapidly developes from there.

Now comes the time where I say what I don't like. The ending took a turn I didn't expect, and left me wondering what was true/not true. Also, there are some instances where it is clear that the characters are animated. Barely noticable, but still there. Finally, and biggest of all, the phsyics of the movie. Its literaly like Zack Snyder took The Matrix, Spiderman, Die Hard, Star Wars and Avatar: The Last Airbender  threw them into a blender and hit puree. What came out was the physics of the film. I would critique more, but right around the time of my pyhsics quadary my brain went OH DEAR GOD ITS A SAMURAI WITH A FRIGGIN' MACHINE GUN!!!!! WHOOO!!! and shut down execept to drink in the stunning visuals and action fights.

As a final note, the music is spot on. It takes classic songs and re-imagines them with a technoy-alt- punky electrosythy vibe. I particually like Jefferson Starships song White Rabbit blasting over the WWI scene. Mabye that's just because I like the song. Whatever the case, it works perfectly.

Oddly enough, this movies PG-13. I loved it, but if the theater today was any indication, it's not going to be around in theaters for much longer. I see it definitivly having a cult following though.